Re-upload How to make a good paragraph from a graph


Please check this video below about how to write a good paragraph based on a diagram:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XATlmM286wg





Planning Stage

Time / tense
2011-2014/ Past tense
Topic
Number of  tourism destinations visiting by the students
General comment
Paris and Rome ------ decreased
London keep --------increased
Details
Paris and Rome ------- Rome had the highest rate of tourism destination visiting by the students every year. In the other hand, Paris was the lowest number of tourism destinations visiting by the students every year. But, as the time flew,  Paris had the highest number of tourism destinations visiting by the students in 2013 and experienced a decrease number in 2014.  
London ----------------- London came up with the steady growth shown with the highest number in the end of the year. 


                The line graph gives information about the number of tourism destinations visiting by the students every year to Paris, London and Rome, start from 2011 to 2014. The number of students visiting Paris and Rome showed a climb but decrease after the period, while the the number of students visiting London emphasized a steady but significant increase over the period.

            In 2011 the numbers of students visiting Paris and Rome were nearly 10,000 and 18,000 respectively. The numbers of students visiting Rome from 2011 to 2012 experienced an extreme downward and hit a bottom around 12,000 visitors in 2012, eventough in the first place Rome had the highest visitors (18,000) among these three countries. But then experienced vastly increase again and go down a bit in the end of the period. In the other hand, the number of students visiting Paris remained a steady increase from the beginning of the period and reached 20,000 visitors as the highest numbers between London and Rome in 2013, and continued with a little decrease to 18,000 visitors in the end of period.

            In early 2011 the number of students visiting London was in the middle (15,000). However, it experienced a lowest visitors among the other countries in 2013. But, it kept increasing slowly and become the highest visitors in the end of the period and reached 19,000 visitors among these three countries. 

Komentar

  1. Unknown8 Juli 2017 pukul 11.07

    Hi, Viki. I have read your recently post and I think it is so well organized. However, in the planning stage for the details part, maybe you can add some point not just say in details. Keep improving, Viki!

    BalasHapus
  2. Steffl8 Juli 2017 pukul 16.28

    Hi, Vicky! In general comment you have a typo for London. However, your writing is really good and i have nothing to suggest. Good job, Vicky!

    BalasHapus
  3. Unknown8 Juli 2017 pukul 17.23

    Hi Vicky! Your writing is good and so detailed. I don't really have any comments regarding your writing but on the first paragraph you wrote the word "the" twice. Maybe you can edit that a little? Keep up the good work! :D

    BalasHapus
  4. Yen9 Juli 2017 pukul 05.24

    Hi vicky
    Your paragraph is very detailed and well organized. Perhaps you may revised a little bit because of the word "London" typo. Great job vick :)

    BalasHapus
  5. Black is not sad it's poetic9 Juli 2017 pukul 19.56

    Dear Vicky DQ,
    it’s such a nice and well arranged paragraph! But I think the best answer for Rome is had fluctuate not the decreased one because Rome had twice increasing either. Overall good job DQ and keep it up!

    BalasHapus
  6. Handi Dwi Kyrash9 Juli 2017 pukul 22.52

    Hi Vicky, I think your line graph description is quite good, but I found some mistakes that you need to correct it:
    1. You type the word "the the" in the first paragraph, so you need to delete one.
    2. In the second paragraph, separate the word "eventough" to "even though", put coma (,) after the word "place" and change "in the end of the period" become "at the end of the period"
    Well done :)

    BalasHapus

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