Essay

First Paragraph

I like to do several things when it comes to what people said as "free time". First of all, I like reading. Due to my passion since I was in Junior High School, especially in the second grade, I am starting to read a Christian book. In the first place, it is just to fill my free time. But, as the time goes by, I become addict to read and up until now, I still read at least 1 book in a month. Second, I also like cooking. Since I was 6, my mother had told me that a girl should go to the kitchen and cook! by that command, I usually help my mom everyday. Up until now, when I went back to my hometown, I still help my mom to cook for my family. It is really good I think for girls to have several skill like cooking. Last, I love cleaning. When I saw something dirty, I will eventually move my body and cleaned it up. Sanity is really important, because from the health environment, we will live happily also and it will make us healthy. In short, I like reading, cooking and cleaning since I was a little, because of that, it make me easier now when I have to stay away from my parents.

Outline:
Thesis Statement: I like to do several things when it comes to what people said as “Free Time”.
1.      Reading (Supporting topic)
·         Christian book (major sentence) : John Piper, John Stot, Stephen Tong, Luis Berkof
·         Manga (minor sentence)               : One Piece, Kimi Ni Todoke, Conan
2.      Cooking (supporting topic)
·         Chinese Food  (major sentence)         : Mi sua, Lou mi, Noodle Soup
·         Indonesian food (minor sentence)     : fried rice, fried noodle
3.      Cleaning (supporting topic)
·         The whole house (major sentence)     : Mop, Sweep, Clean the window
·         Toilet (minor sentence)                      : Brush the floor, brush the toilet

My Free Time
            Every human surely doing an activity in their everyday life. Go to school, go to work, walking, cooking, do some sports, cleaning the house are parts of doing an activity. But, no matter how busy we are, we still have several spare time in a day to do the things that we like. For me myself, I like to do several things when it comes to what people said as “Free Time”.
            First of all, no matter how busy I am in a day, I will surely spare my time eventough it just a minute for reading. Maybe it sounds weird when you see someone who read in a minute. But, just when it comes to read I can relax my mind and it is really good to train the way you think. If you like to read a book, there are many benefit that you can get. For instance, you can absorb the lesson faster and understand it well. Meanwhile. Reading also helps structuring the mindset. There are so many types of book in our surroundin, such as; novel, biography, magazine and so on. However, my favorite book is the Christian book or Christian Literature. For example, a book that written by John Stott, John Piper, Stephen Tong, and Louis Berkof. Beside structuring my mindset, reading Christian literature also can make me more understand about my faith. In the other hand, when I got tired while I am reading the christian literature, I will read another reading source. “Manga” or comic is another reading source that I like to read in my free time. However, not all type of comic is my favorite. One piece, Conan, and Naruto are several examples that I like to read when I have a free time. But still, when I have finished read the manga I will read a Christian literature again. In short, besides build a structure mindset, another benefit from reading also can sharpening the mindset.
            Usually after I read the book, I will get hungry. When it comes to this, I will go to my kitchen and find something to eat. However, there is also a time when I could not find anything to eat in the kitchen. If this matter happen, I usually cook by myself. By this means, I like cooking especially in my free time. My mother always told me to go to the kitchen and cook. Several foods that my mother teach me to cook is Mi sua, Lou mi, noodle soup, and many other chinese food. Due to our family favorite food is chinese food, generally my mother told me how to cook the chinese food. In the other hand, we still Indonesian and it absolutely make us also want to learn  about how to cook Indonesia’s food. Several Indonesia food that I like to cook is Indonesia fried rice and Indonesia fried noodle. Indonesia fried rice and noodle has a different taste from the Chinese fried rice and fried noodle’s taste. I like cooking in my free time, I usually cook Chinese or Indonesian food and I will keep improving my cooking skill.
            Cooking make the kitchen dirty. The oil that spread out from the pan make the stove and all surround it become so dirty. Generally, ants will eventually come when there is a dirt in one spot. By this case, I will eventually take the cloth and mop the dirt up. Next activity that I like to do in my free time is cleaning. When I see my environment clean, I can move freely and it make me more enjoy when I have to stay at home. So, the first place that I will definitely clean is my house. Every morning, I will take the broom and sweep the floor, but not finish until that, I will also take the mop and mopping the floor. When this activity finished, I will clean up the window once a week. However, this is not the end of my cleaning activity. Cleaning need a commitment in order to create a health environment. By this statement, I will keep continue in cleaning my toilet. From brush the floor and brush the toilet I do it myself in order to get the best results. I know that my parents had worked so hard everyday, this make me want to help them eventough just from cleaning the toilet. In conclussion, cleaning can be said as the other part of my free time activity routine.

            Many activities can be done in everyone own free time. However, I like to choose a usefull activity in order to improve my skill even in the free time. This kind of activities can improve both skill and knowledge. By reading in a free time, it can train us to be dicipline and structuring the mindset. In the other hand, cooking especially for the woman can create a lot of benefit. For instance if we are going to be an entrepreneurship, skill like cooking can be the one of the requirement to be a successfull entrepreneur. Last, cleaning sounds weird and many people keep wondering about the function. Not forever we can depend on someone who work in our house. The time when we have to work by our own hand is surely come and when that time come, how can we face it while we do not have any experience?    

Komentar

  1. Hello Viki!
    I have read your kind of essay and I kinda like it because it is easy to understand. However, I have an input for you. You use to much “but” when you start a sentence. You shouldn’t use “but” to start a sentence. You can changen it into “however, etc..”
    keep writing!

    BalasHapus
  2. I must say well done. You are improving and improving fast way better than me that it left me speechless. Less and less mistake was made that it becomes harder for me to find. Perhaps, my suggestion to change this sentence "By reading in a free time, it can train us to be dicipline and structuring the mindset" to By reading in a free time, it can train us to be disciplined and structured the mindset. I think when you use "and" the grammar must be the same as the previous sentence. For the rest, I think to check the spelling of your writing and the gerund (i.e, keep continuing). Again, I'm astonished by how fast your development is and somehow it makes me envy, lol just kidding :D

    BalasHapus
  3. Hello vicky,
    As usuall I like your paragrah. For the sugesstion, I think you can use some highlight in the main topics sentences or use italic to make the readers easy to catch the topics. And I think in the sentences "For me myself" its too wasting the words. You can simply write "for me". Overall, great work! Keep it up!^^

    Regards,
    Nur Intan K

    BalasHapus
  4. Hello Vicky, Glad to see your essay, I was impressed with your way to describe the idea in your essay. It is a good essay. However, it will become better if you underlined the topic sentences, major sentences and the minor sentences in your essay so it will become easy for readers to understand it. Just little bit suggestion, First is, you need to check some spelling and capitalization in your paragraph such as "surroundin" and "while I am reading the christian literature". all this word is from second paragraph. A nect is about this sentences "I will read another reading source." better if you change it because it become double meaning and was confusing. Better if you want change it to become "I will read another book source."
    Thank you and keep it up

    BalasHapus
  5. Hi vicky, thats really nice to read your post.
    Your essay has been structured well, but for suggestion maybe you can put or colouring some important words to make the reader easier to know which one is ur major , minor, or thesis statement in essay.
    Then, maybe a concluding paragraph is needed there. Hehe

    Well nice to know how you can spend your freetime.
    Keep writing vicky!

    BalasHapus
  6. Thank you for all of your support and comment :D
    I will try my best and re-post the new version with the justification.

    Regards,


    Victoria Vanessa

    BalasHapus

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