Essay
First Paragraph
I like to do several things when it
comes to what people said as "free time". First of all, I like reading. Due to my passion since I was in
Junior High School, especially in the second grade, I am starting to read a Christian book. In the first place, it is
just to fill my free time. But, as the time goes by, I become addict to read
and up until now, I still read at least 1 book in a month. Second, I also like cooking. Since I was 6, my mother had told me
that a girl should go to the kitchen and cook! by that command, I usually help
my mom everyday. Up until now, when I went back to my hometown, I still help my
mom to cook for my family. It is really good I think for girls to have several
skill like cooking. Last, I love
cleaning. When I saw something dirty, I will eventually move my body and
cleaned it up. Sanity is really important, because from the health environment,
we will live happily also and it will make us healthy. In short, I like
reading, cooking and cleaning since I was a little, because of that, it make me
easier now when I have to stay away from my parents.
Outline:
Thesis Statement: I like to do several things when it comes to what people said as “Free
Time”.
1.
Reading (Supporting topic)
·
Christian book (major sentence) : John Piper, John
Stot, Stephen Tong, Luis Berkof
·
Manga (minor sentence) : One Piece, Kimi Ni Todoke, Conan
2.
Cooking (supporting topic)
·
Chinese Food (major
sentence) : Mi sua, Lou
mi, Noodle Soup
·
Indonesian food (minor sentence) : fried rice, fried noodle
3.
Cleaning (supporting topic)
·
The whole house (major sentence) : Mop, Sweep, Clean the window
·
Toilet (minor sentence) : Brush the floor, brush
the toilet
My Free Time
Every human surely doing an activity in their everyday
life. Go to school, go to work, walking, cooking, do some sports, cleaning the
house are parts of doing an activity. But, no matter how busy we are, we still
have several spare time in a day to do the things that we like. For me myself,
I like to do several things when it comes to what people said as “Free Time”.
First of all, no matter how busy I am in a day, I will
surely spare my time eventough it just a minute for reading. Maybe it sounds
weird when you see someone who read in a minute. But, just when it comes to
read I can relax my mind and it is really good to train the way you think. If you
like to read a book, there are many benefit that you can get. For instance, you
can absorb the lesson faster and understand it well. Meanwhile. Reading also
helps structuring the mindset. There are so many types of book in our
surroundin, such as; novel, biography, magazine and so on. However, my favorite
book is the Christian book or Christian Literature. For example, a book that
written by John Stott, John Piper, Stephen Tong, and Louis Berkof. Beside structuring
my mindset, reading Christian literature also can make me more understand about
my faith. In the other hand, when I got tired while I am reading the christian
literature, I will read another reading source. “Manga” or comic is another reading source that I like to read in
my free time. However, not all type of comic is my favorite. One piece, Conan, and Naruto are several
examples that I like to read when I have a free time. But still, when I have
finished read the manga I will read a
Christian literature again. In short, besides build a structure mindset,
another benefit from reading also can sharpening the mindset.
Usually after I read the book, I will get hungry. When it
comes to this, I will go to my kitchen and find something to eat. However,
there is also a time when I could not find anything to eat in the kitchen. If this
matter happen, I usually cook by myself. By this means, I like cooking
especially in my free time. My mother always told me to go to the kitchen and
cook. Several foods that my mother teach me to cook is Mi sua, Lou mi, noodle
soup, and many other chinese food. Due to our family favorite food is chinese
food, generally my mother told me how to cook the chinese food. In the other
hand, we still Indonesian and it absolutely make us also want to learn about how to cook Indonesia’s food. Several
Indonesia food that I like to cook is Indonesia fried rice and Indonesia fried
noodle. Indonesia fried rice and noodle has a different taste from the Chinese
fried rice and fried noodle’s taste. I like cooking in my free time, I usually
cook Chinese or Indonesian food and I will keep improving my cooking skill.
Cooking make the kitchen dirty. The oil that spread out
from the pan make the stove and all surround it become so dirty. Generally,
ants will eventually come when there is a dirt in one spot. By this case, I
will eventually take the cloth and mop the dirt up. Next activity that I like
to do in my free time is cleaning. When I see my environment clean, I can move
freely and it make me more enjoy when I have to stay at home. So, the first
place that I will definitely clean is my house. Every morning, I will take the
broom and sweep the floor, but not finish until that, I will also take the mop
and mopping the floor. When this activity finished, I will clean up the window
once a week. However, this is not the end of my cleaning activity. Cleaning need
a commitment in order to create a health environment. By this statement, I will
keep continue in cleaning my toilet. From brush the floor and brush the toilet
I do it myself in order to get the best results. I know that my parents had
worked so hard everyday, this make me want to help them eventough just from
cleaning the toilet. In conclussion, cleaning can be said as the other part of
my free time activity routine.
Many activities can be done in everyone own free time. However,
I like to choose a usefull activity in order to improve my skill even in the free
time. This kind of activities can improve both skill and knowledge. By reading
in a free time, it can train us to be dicipline and structuring the mindset. In
the other hand, cooking especially for the woman can create a lot of benefit. For
instance if we are going to be an entrepreneurship, skill like cooking can be
the one of the requirement to be a successfull entrepreneur. Last, cleaning
sounds weird and many people keep wondering about the function. Not forever we
can depend on someone who work in our house. The time when we have to work by
our own hand is surely come and when that time come, how can we face it while
we do not have any experience?
Hello Viki!
BalasHapusI have read your kind of essay and I kinda like it because it is easy to understand. However, I have an input for you. You use to much “but” when you start a sentence. You shouldn’t use “but” to start a sentence. You can changen it into “however, etc..”
keep writing!
I must say well done. You are improving and improving fast way better than me that it left me speechless. Less and less mistake was made that it becomes harder for me to find. Perhaps, my suggestion to change this sentence "By reading in a free time, it can train us to be dicipline and structuring the mindset" to By reading in a free time, it can train us to be disciplined and structured the mindset. I think when you use "and" the grammar must be the same as the previous sentence. For the rest, I think to check the spelling of your writing and the gerund (i.e, keep continuing). Again, I'm astonished by how fast your development is and somehow it makes me envy, lol just kidding :D
BalasHapusHello vicky,
BalasHapusAs usuall I like your paragrah. For the sugesstion, I think you can use some highlight in the main topics sentences or use italic to make the readers easy to catch the topics. And I think in the sentences "For me myself" its too wasting the words. You can simply write "for me". Overall, great work! Keep it up!^^
Regards,
Nur Intan K
Hello Vicky, Glad to see your essay, I was impressed with your way to describe the idea in your essay. It is a good essay. However, it will become better if you underlined the topic sentences, major sentences and the minor sentences in your essay so it will become easy for readers to understand it. Just little bit suggestion, First is, you need to check some spelling and capitalization in your paragraph such as "surroundin" and "while I am reading the christian literature". all this word is from second paragraph. A nect is about this sentences "I will read another reading source." better if you change it because it become double meaning and was confusing. Better if you want change it to become "I will read another book source."
BalasHapusThank you and keep it up
Hi vicky, thats really nice to read your post.
BalasHapusYour essay has been structured well, but for suggestion maybe you can put or colouring some important words to make the reader easier to know which one is ur major , minor, or thesis statement in essay.
Then, maybe a concluding paragraph is needed there. Hehe
Well nice to know how you can spend your freetime.
Keep writing vicky!
Thank you for all of your support and comment :D
BalasHapusI will try my best and re-post the new version with the justification.
Regards,
Victoria Vanessa